I was going to post this last week, but then decided to wait a while before posting it, as I wanted to go into more detail on certain things. But then I saw this:
…and decided to post this anyway…
Although I admire the tenacity of people who challenge themselves, I personally find this restrictive and unnecessary. Please note that what follows is a personal rant on fat shaming, and not a personal attack on anyone at all, but it is rather about me and my experience, and the constant crap about what a woman should eat, should not eat, what a woman should look like not look like, dress like, feel like. It is not about hating people who diet, or being against people who wish to diet, or even caring about how other people wish to eat. I’m against the policing of women’s bodies. As stated before I was going to post this last week, but wanted to do more research on objectification and fetishisation of fatness, which I’ll post some other time instead.
I bake, so yes I’m going to be eating Cookies, muffins, cakes, candy and chocolate, I even offer these things to my Gods!
I eat chocolate when I want to and that is not that often, as when I decided to stop caring about society’s ridiculous ideals, and started paying attention to my own needs and wants it didn’t become something I needed to avoid, but rather something that I could enjoy if I wanted to. I am personally against dieting, I am against cutting out food that you enjoy, I am against the notion that half of the stuff listed on that list is “junk food.” *
I eat almost all of the things on that list, and I am perfectly healthy according to my Dr. I eat fruit, veg and vegetable protein, but I do not deny myself food that I enjoy.
Thin equating to sexiness is a fallacy. Beth-fucking-Ditto anyone!
I’m actually tired of hiding in a bubble, where I’m scared to express myself and my actual opinions as they might be unpopular. But you know what? I’m not doing that anymore. Welcome to “The Other Side of the Broom”!
I’ve been in a bubble of denial for quite some time, saying that I might actually lose the weight, I’ve been doing that since my father died, and the truth is after 4 years it is time to stop fooling myself. How many diets did I try, where I cut out all those foods listed, and then my body craved them, even though it never had before? How many times did I restrict my eating to only healthy foods, only to be mocked, not only by others, but my own body? How many times did I say No sweets! No this no that! only for me to crash even though I was replacing each of those things with a healthy alternative?
I am fat. Yes, I am. I was once very thin. And before that I was fat. I lost weight easily at the age of 15, probably because I had a lot of energy to burn, and it was easy to exercise for 2 hours a day 6 days a week.
I am not justifying my reason for being fat, I eat. I eat healthy food. I eat unhealthy food. I eat. I’m fat. My BMI is not in the ideal range. I eat chocolate flavoured cereal for breakfast, and vegetables and carbs for lunch and vegetables and carbs for dinner. I eat fruit as a snack and as desert, I also eat chocolate, pizza, pies, subs, but I know when I’m satisfied, I don’t just carry on eating even though I’m getting full. I listen to my body. I drink milkshakes and coffee with 4 spoons of sugar. I drink 2% milk instead of Fat free. I eat cream. I bake almost every week, and because what I bake tastes damn good I eat it. I lick the batter out of my mixing bowl, because it is Yummy.
I eat because I’m sad, I eat because I’m happy, I eat because my food doesn’t yell at me, it doesn’t tell me that I’m disgusting and fat, and it just waits for me to eat every delectable morsel, I eat because I want to be healthy and not starving. I eat because when someone takes the time to cook a nice meal for me, that tastes really good, it is stupid to say no thank you it has too many calories, even when you’re eyeballing the plate longingly and lovingly. I eat because I’m tired, I eat because I’m awake, I eat because it’s summer, I eat because it’s winter, I eat because I saw a nice meal I’d like to replicate. I eat because I’m bored, I eat because it gives me energy, I eat because it keeps my brain healthy.
I have cellulite, I have stretchmarks, I have clothes that do not fit me anymore, I have bra’s that are too small. I have wobbles in my butt, my arms, my legs. I am healthy, I have good cholesterol levels and my blood pressure is perfect, I don’t smoke, so my heart is healthy as it can be.
On the average day, I consume far less crap than what I did when I was a teenager, I’m more aware of my body’s needs.
I haven’t exercised in a few months because I burnt out, because I had much more pressing concerns than trying to fit in a particular dress. In fact every time I’m getting into it I hurt myself, my body sabotages itself because it would rather deal with stress through art and writing than running. And here is the thing, for months I exercised and didn’t lose anything, my body refused to give in to a ridiculous ideal. I may have had more muscle in my arms but I didn’t lose any weight, and I still couldn’t fit into clothes I’d worn a few months before starting the damn regime.
So maybe my body is a blanket of comfort, but the thing is for years I’ve been looking in the mirror and saying “You’re ugly and disgusting” even though my boyfriend loves and touches and caresses every curve, wobble and stretchmark on my body, and tells me without any coaxing how Fucking sexy I am, and how much he loves my curves, and my ass.
When I was thin, it was my tiny breasts that got mocked, I got many nasty comments from girls saying I had crash dieted when in fact it took me months of hard exercise, exercise that strained me and a year of eating certain types of foods.
I was weight-shamed, not just fat-shamed, so although all this fat-shaming/thin-shaming goes around, I’ve been through both, and both viewpoints are ugly and stupid.
The reason I went from goth, to “normal” for a short period was because I gained weight, and couldn’t justify being a fat girl in black, with big bustles, lace and ruffles, but I stopped caring about it and got myself back, only to realise how much I still hate my body, and each mark, dimple and pillow of it.
All our t.v/hollywood heroines are thin, some are unhealthy to stay that way, some are naturally that way.
Aishwarya, is told she is too fat and should have lost her baby weight by now because people like Victoria Beckham are tiny a few weeks after giving birth. Policing women’s bodies, is WRONG!
I’m tired of seeing these people being our so-called role models, while anyone who dares to take up space is considered “thinspo”, I’m not a before picture, I’m not an after picture, I’m a person.
One of my friends on FB put this status “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels”. I disagree, I’d much rather eat a delicious coffee vanilla cupcake I made lovingly than worry about how good or bad I’ll look to other people.
Another friend a while back said on FB that because she is thin, she can wear whatever she likes.
I don’t think they realise how much statements like that actually hurt people, even unintentionally. And maybe I’m the only one that gets hurt by these statements but I don’t think I am. These statements can hurt because some people have not learned to accept themselves for who they are and what they look like because they are constantly made to seem inferior to others by the media. I’m one of them.
When I was about 10/11 I was told by a boy that I didn’t have the legs for skirts, because I was fat. Well guess what I don’t wear pants. I hate wearing pants, they are freaking uncomfortable. I used to wear pants all the time when I was a child, in fact I dressed like a “boy” often, but even though I’m still considered “unfeminine” by some people I hate wearing pants. Maybe if they made pants that fit my fat ass and chunky thighs without having a gape in the back or being too tight in the front, I’d actually freaking wear them, maybe if they made pants for all body types, and they cost the same as pants for perfect bodies, then I’d wear them.
A boy in my high school said stretch marks were disgusting, but I’m guessing that if they actually lived a damn life, they’d have some marks on their body too…Scars, tattoos, freckles, blotches, stretchmarks, lines.
Another boy in my high school remarked on cellulite saying how hideous it was. I’m guessing this boy never saw many women’s bodies, real bodies, not t.v/movie/magazine/gaming bodies, but actual physical flesh and blood bodies. Bodies that appear in the media, are plasticised, airbrushed and photoshopped to the point where they are merely symbols for perfection, rather than representations of the actual person. I know many thin girls, and was even a thin girl once, with cellulite.
I’ve never seen a perfect person, only perfected images.
* Edit- As I highlighted in my comment section I am talking about monitoring food in order to be thin, and like an ideal image or to be considered sexy, not about monitoring food for health reasons or even ethical reasons. I’m a vegetarian after all. And when I say that I’m against cutting out food that you enjoy, it is about me being against people telling me and others that in order for us to be considered sexy we have to give up food that we love. I may not have been too clear on that when posting, so I hope that clarifies things a tad!