Okay, so I haven’t yet gotten used to this whole writing-again thing, but I will do my best. Or at least I’ll “fake it til I make it”.
Today was an interesting day, interesting in that nothing went quite right, or at least nothing happened as I had expected it to. This phenomenon is otherwise known as “Gods give signs so freakin’ listen to them”…
My cellphone was all wonky so I didn’t receive important messages on time and it kept turning itself off and then on again; my car decided to play games with me right before an interview, then started fuming and smoking like an angry dragon; I walked up and down a busy road for over an hour trying to get to the interview and when I finally did get to the interview, by which point I was about ready to say “effit I’ve been clearly told NO, NO and NO,” it was not at all what I had so studiously prepared for.
The whole day felt like that scene in Beautiful Creatures where Ethan is trying to get to Lena but because Lena’s uncle has done a binding spell to protect her, Ethan cannot get anywhere and he gets mind-fucked.
And so on the day went. I managed to make it through without immense panic attacks and the weightiness of suicidal ideation. I gave it my best shot, and that is what counts, especially when one is usually dealing with the constant chatter of failure, panic and anxiety coming from ones own think tank.
Now I am preparing a night of meditation by my altar, in silence, in devotion, in gratitude… After all although this day was testing, it wasn’t Very Bad Things bad and I can say it was certainly an adventure if only a small one.