For a short while my spiritual practice suffered from a somewhat emotionally disconnected period. It hasn’t necessarily been a disconnect from my gods, or the spirits, as even during my month of no ritual, I was hearing them loud and clear. It was more of a case of feeling a disconnection from myself as a witch, from my evolving system and how my practices fit into my life, a disconnection from my body, my emotions, my very core . There was no inspiration, there was no creativity, there was no movement and then the lightning and the thunder came and I felt purpose, even if that purpose was peppered with an emptiness that I’m only on the verge of understanding.
After a month of lunar devotion, positive affirmation and ceaseless noise, I have come no closer to a true understanding of how and why I let this lack creep in, how and why I allowed the emptiness to swallow my path into its big black pit of emotional disconnection from craft. This of course is not the first time that this has happened, it probably wont be the last. Previous times, however, I knew the cause of the lack and I was able to overcome it through ritual and faith.
There have been some moments where I have felt that spark of connection again, they always take me by surprise, often because i have been somewhat on autopilot. Even so, it has taken a great amount of courage to step back into my body, my emotions and my practices.
This emotionally disconnected period began after my induction into the Mysteries of a Goddess I had not worked with very much in rituals and rites, Isis. I followed a path of faith and devotion to Mighty Isis and instead of finding solace and strength in a temple to her, my time spent at this temple chipped away at my path, it drained away my passion, it left me beaten and betrayed, and crawling out of a ditch so big and deep that I often still wonder if I will find a way out.
Did Isis feel this sense of betrayal when Nephthys conceived Osiris’ son? Did she feel the sting of betrayal and the empty lack in Her life when Osiris was slayed by his brother Set? Most likely She did, but She did “adopt” Anpu as Her own, and She did get off Her tush and search for Osiris, and not only did she gather the strength to find him and put him back together, Her divine love and devotion, conceived a sacred Heir to the throne, a new king conceived out of Hieros Gamos, a Hope for a balanced and rejuvenated future.
I will not abandon Isis, as I do not feel that She abandoned me. She is after all a Mother Goddess that traveled space and time far beyond Ancient Egyptian Religion. Her tears are healing, Her magic all-encompassing, Her names number over a thousand, and Her Love is the universal, archetypal love of Mother, Wife and Sister. She sits at the back of my Egyptian shrine, her wings spread, her beauty and love illuminating the shrine with Her presence. She may be in the background of my shrine and even my practice, but She is there and She is felt.
After the passing of one lunar devotional cycle, I step into another. It is no mistake that I began these lunar devotions during the waning cycle, the cycle of release and destruction, for one must destroy the old to bring about the new; one must release the pain of the past in order to appreciate the beauty of the present; one must tear out the dead, decaying plants in the flower beds to allow for the growth of healthy new plants.
It is also a deliberate descent into the Mysteries of another Archetypal Goddess, Inanna. For the first time in maybe 4 or 5 years the blackberry plant I devoted to Inanna finally produced berries despite having made flowers each seasonal period before. I now begin my actual work in the Living Temple of Witchcraft of Christopher Penczak with the first Temple of the Root. The Crow, the Hound and the Snake are my companions to the underworld, to this descent, to this Chakra, during this Lunar period.
This is a cycle of libation, an outpouring of the soul upon the seemingly empty ground. The ground has been weeded, and seeded and now awaits some nourishment from the libation. Libation is a pure devotion, it is liquid, it is water, it is blood, it is wine,it is milk. It is a life-sustaining offering to the spirits, the gods and the living, and I offer it up from my very core, allowing the emotions, the feelings that arise from the seeming emptiness to fall and flow freely upon the earth.