In the circle, you cannot hide from what you must confront. Avoidance of feelings and emotions is not truly possible, because the circle does not allow corners for one to hide in. Your feelings and emotions, your shadow aspects and whole self are staring right back at you.
So like and sometimes very unlike many of the spontaneous rituals of before, this ritual did not exactly go as planned (or not planned) technically speaking. It was completely unexpected, the way I laid myself bare to Lady Hathor, I confronted and sorted through emotions I’d been struggling with for a while. Of course this was only a step, a step back into soulful living. As one cannot live soulfully, instinctively, wildishly if one is not willing to explore emotions that have been swept under the rug.
Being brought to tears and into solace, I was able to see how I had been living blind for a little while, simply because it is easier to not feel ALL the time. Being numb has its advantages, it is a survival tactic. But now if I am to journey to the Root, the Core, The Raw, then I must become flesh and feeling, I must live as the embodied woman, one foot cannot be in this world if it has made itself nice and cushy in the world of numbness.
Penczak writes about the alchemical processes of each Chakra, and begins with the Root, as I do. At this temple of the Root, the alchemical process that takes place is calcination:
‘To calcinate something, you heat it until it is reduced to white or gray ash. Classically, it is said that you are reducing it to “bone”. This process resonates with the planet Saturn, and Saturn is the planet that rules the bones and the healing of the bones… Spiritually calcination is used to burn away all preexisting structure, to burn away all that doesn’t serve’
p58 The Living Temple of Witchcraft Volume One
This process of calcination, or “rending the flesh from the bones through tooth and claw” as I am fond of saying leaves one a little raw. It also brings one into a more Raw state of being, so that one is better able to understand the Roots of the emotions that have been numbed.
In a raw state, everything becomes “more”… the loud becomes louder, the dark becomes darker, the light becomes lighter, the sweet becomes sweeter, the bitter becomes more bitter, emotions are quicker, rougher, less contained. The circle is therefore a safe place to be completely Raw, but “out-there”, it could lead to some serious problems in relationships, in life, in work etc. The Raw wounds on your body need to be bandaged and properly tended or they could become infected and pustulated.
In the world outside of the circle, safe ways to explore the raw are through writing, art, gardening, dancing or any other activity that allows for self-expression. These are activities that I am immersing myself in slowly,everyday a little bit of this, or a little bit of that, and with each stroke of pencil on paper, with each word written or read, with each stitch sewn into my heart, I am coming home, coming into my flesh, embodying myself as animal, as person, as woman, as witch.
Coming home is one of the themes explored by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her renowned book Women Who Run With The Wolves. She explores this notion of “coming home” with her very beautiful and evocative story “Sealskin, Soulskin”. I had not realised that my Soulskin had been stolen leaving me desiccated, numb and dazed. Now that I have been forced to see that my Soulskin has been stolen it is time for me to come home. My Soul self needs to nourish my Ego self, the way Hathor nourishes the souls of the dead.
“When a woman begins to dry out, it becomes harder and harder for her to function in the hearty wildish nature. Ideas, creativity, life itself thrives on moisture”
– p275 Women who run with the Wolves
Moisture is Nourishment, it is libation as I spoke of in my previous post, it is the Earthy, Watery nature of the Underworld, where roots are nourished by soil and moisture. It is the drumbeat in the Earth, it is dance of life and death, it is the dance of sex and survival. It is the dance of flesh and spirit and it is the embodiment of myself as woman and witch in my work with Hathor.
I am joined in this dance with spirits and beings from the other side, from this side, from the underworld, from every world, This dance is a beautiful unfolding, a re-realisation of myself, of my talents, of my feelings. One cannot sustain an archetype continuously as Estes states in her book, so instead of trying to emanate one archetype, I allow each one to flow through me as it is called for, for each cycle to play upon my skin, inside my flesh and within my bones.