I am crossing a pond, it is filled with rocks and the water is slightly murky. One of the rocks which I jump across is not a rock, but the skull of a long dead Crocodile. These bones, they are a part of me. I am every creature I have kissed, touched and come into contact with in one way or another.
I remember when my Ouma took me to the Crocodile park on the weekends, I would watch them lazing about in the sun, some inside the water, all very still and looking dead. These were Dragons, Gods of the earth and the rivers, asleep and dormant, until the night came, and they would thrash with wild instincts, like hunger.
I have always loved dangerous creatures, the wild, ripping, sharp toothed and venomous. It was one of the many things that set me apart from others, my love of snakes, my love of Crocodiles, my lack of fear and disgust when it came to touching frogs and toads and moving them to a safer spot in the garden. Even as a child, in class when we had to speak of our favourite animals, mine were inevitably snakes.
Crocodiles are known for being aggressive, they are violent Nature. Let us never forget that Sobek, the Great, Vicious and Potent God of Protection, Power and War, is the Crocodile God of the Nile. “The Rager” has come and I must submit.
Crocodiles are closely related to the Dinosaurs, and are a link to the primal power of the ancient earth and the Dark primeval waters of creation. In some myths Sobek was the creator god who created order out of the chaotic waters of Nun. His power is cosmic and fertilising. It is not surprising that I have to face the Crocodile at this point, coming to terms with my own emotions, with the things I have done, with the pain I have caused.
The moon is waning, it is a time of letting go, of severance. I have been holding on too long to things I knew I shouldn’t. The Dangerous creatures I love and adore, sever flesh from bone, soul from flesh, this is why we so often fear them- They deal death, and with more authenticity than humankind could ever muster.
Is this the first Time I am being honest with myself and others since living on my own? Yes.
Why do you think no one loves you? Because there are scars, down, dark and deep that even I don’t want to look at.
According to Ted Andrews, the Crocodile is a potent creature of initiation, perhaps this is my initiation into myself, into my authenticity, into the deepness of the waters inside my soul, maybe I will drown, but maybe I will find myself.