I left Zebra behind more than a month ago. The Dark Forest journey has been difficult and a bit overwhelming and so I moved briefly onto Beaver and stayed there for a short while, not really learning anything more substantial than “Build your Dreams”, “If your dam breaks, build a new one”, “If you fail you can start again” and other such airy advice. Beaver is much more complicated than that, I know this, but when you are stuck in a puddle as deep as your ears, it is difficult to learn anything beyond the surface. And then I put Beaver back in the box and just left feeling empty.
And this is where I have been sitting. I have been reading some other wonderful blogs in the blogosphere- ones I have had on my read list, but never got to because when I find a blogger I like, I will spend all my nights, and all my mornings just reading, stalking and going through each and every blog post. I lose time like this- falling in love with these bloggers from a distant land, filled with a longing for friendship and the wildness these women embody.
My first introduction to blogs was Confessions of a College Call Girl- I spent late nights reading these stories she would tell of her life, and it was always something on the sly for me. It felt a bit like watching a naughty movie- being so deeply involved with this woman’s intimate encounters, and knowing that they were truth’s, memories, stories from real life only added to the sordid beauty and intimacy. It is a strange place for me to have found out about blogging- being that my blog is about Witchcraft more than anything else, but it is important while I am reflecting to remember where it started. The Confessional Blog, has remained one of my favourite kinds of blogs to date, and in my own blog posts I try to reflect this, albeit in a more Witchy kind of way.
My blog has seen a name change and a few format and style changes over the years, and now I have put up some of my work on Niume as well. I have been writing on The Purple Broom for 6 years. It is a long time, it is my hobby, and through this wonderful medium, I have gotten to see some wonderful people blossom, and bloom in the most magnificent ways. And while my readership has grown, and my passion for writing has only gotten deeper, I feel like my blog is also stuck in its own kind of puddle.
You see, I try to only write when I feel I have something important to say, when the words flow like silken spider-floss and the ideas come from that deep place inside of me. And that is important to me. It is important that I always write of the deep, dark things which people are afraid of. It is important that I always write of death, and poison, as these two paths are completely entwined with who I am- the oaths I have made to the Canine Gods. The oaths which I honour in my daily life. It is important that I always delve into my own depths and seek to write the mythologies I see unfolding in my world.
But I also feel like I let the smaller things fall by the wayside, I don’t really share as much as I used to when I first started blogging. To be fair,a few years ago I opened up on Facebook and Twitter and used them as a way in which to share smaller things, and it worked in the beginning, but then Facebook became greedy and started hiding all the bloggers, and writers, and pages that did not pay for exposure. There have been times on this blog I wanted to share something short, something small, a picture or a few words, and then I have stopped- because my blog became about the big things- and although these big things are always personal in some way, it felt like they had their own kind of stature, that I could not mess with- kind of like the Big Gods.
I don’t want to be one of those bloggers that posts every single day. I am not here to create content for Facebook, or Twitter, or even Niume, and WordPress, but to share my stories, even if they are small, and also even if they aren’t always dark, or terribly deep. I believe in “quality not quantity”, and that has been my motto since I started blogging.
Milla from The Woman Who Married a Bear made a blog post in November about not branding your life, and that really triggered powerful emotions inside of me. If my blog has always been about sharing the personal, then why do I hide so much of what I genuinely want to share because it does not fit the current “feel” or “brand” of the The Purple Broom. I may be a minute little stitch in this giant interweb, but it is still a brand if I feel I cannot post something here because it simply won’t go with everything else.
And I agree with Mila’s powerful battle cry against curation and capitalism- a big FUCK THAT! The Purple Broom is not a brand, it is my internet home- I don’t make money from writing, and I don’t have anything to sell (at least not yet anyway) And I am NOT SELLING MYSELF as if I am some mass-produced commodity- gods can we stop using these disgusting consumerist, and Big-Business ideas to live our lives by! And yet, so very much unlike home and very much like any brand, I feel unsafe on here because I feel I might be alienating one reader after another if I don’t keep writing one whole ode to the Dark and Deadly path I follow.)
But dear friends you must know that there is so much else I could be sharing, and learning, and writing about- the lighter stuff too, the sweet stuff, the soft stuff- things like baby ducklings in the Spring, or my failed attempts at Spring gardening- and other sweet Spring things, which I never wrote about because I thought- “But who will read it?” And now we are nearing Autumn, and I have not shared with you, the blooming of the flowers in my neighbourhood and the tiny words of midnight winds and the smaller stories of my life.
And that is what Zebra was trying to tell me, even though i did not really understand it beyond the abstract “honour the light and dark inside yourself”. I had only been showing one side of things- and it has been important to share that, but I am not just dark and deep. I am also the girl who participated in the fun and exciting Rewilding Challenge by Tree Girl. I am also the girl who follows butterflies and hops across the rocks barefoot looking for crabs to talk to, the girl who greets every duck, hadeda and pigeon in my path.
The animals of this Dark Forest Journey and within the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit deck, are not just creatures of witchcraft and dark, deep magic, they are also the simple and sweet creatures which we have met in folklore and fairy tales, and in our own backyards- their stories aren’t always big. I think I have forgotten that.
This forgetfulness hasn’t only been on my blog, but also in my art- particularly as I have so many big projects I want to complete. I have been looking so much at the Darker things, the bigger issues, the difficult issues, that I have been forgetting the small beauties, and the little successes, and the sweet things. But in my life, and in my art, and in my writing, both on this blog and for my projects- I want to bring back the whimsy- the Practical Magicalesque world of everyday magic, I want to write more, draw more and even take more photos, of pink foxes, and spiders who speak, but I cannot do that while being stuck in a box.
I hope my dear friends that you will stay, as I try to let you in a bit more on the smaller things.The big things will always be here, and I will always write about them, but sometimes, you can expect, there will be little things too.