I have been distracted since the Eclipse. The world around me seems to tumble in and out of view. There are too many issues, too many things which come up in mundane life. I had forgotten it could be like this; forgotten why sometimes I seem to feel like less of a witch, not much of an artist and certainly nothing of a writer.
I have done nothing, and in many ways I feel like if I did, then I would be in trouble; some mysterious bogeyman would bite off my fingers for not paying attention to the mundane problems that keep popping up. I don’t know where this idea stemmed from, but it is one I have had for a very long time.
I feel the itch sometimes. But I have to admit, I struggle with it. I have a million ideas, and no ways in which to implement them, a million rites which I have done in my head, but no way to bring them to reality. I have gone back to reading books I enjoyed as a teenager, simply to escape, so I don’t have to think. I am tired though of being drawn away, of being distracted.
Every thing comes at a price.
I had spent a while with the Yaga intoxicated by Belladonna, Datura and Wormwood, weeks worth of deadly dancing and sleeping on the floor by my main working altar, The Rager’s skull right next to my face, those teeth were so often in my dreams. Everything came easier with Belladonna and Wormwood.
Is Witchcraft escapism? I don’t believe so. What struck me so deeply about my experiences in December was how much I enjoyed reality, everything was much more vivid and beautiful. Emotions were more intense, and I was not indifferent to everything. I didn’t feel distracted, but completely aware of two worlds. But now, I feel distant from both.
I am grappling to get back to the spirits.
I have finally received a copy of “Spells From the Wise Woman’s Cottage: An Introduction to West Country Cunning Tradition” by Steve Patterson. Perhaps this little collection is a way through back to an enchanting life. The Toad nights are coming, and with them The Turning, and perhaps I will be able to Turn the Hand of Fate again.